I Asked Him One Question. His Answer Changed Our Life Forever
Love Starts with One Question: The Truth About How Love Starts.
We all have a love story. Some are still unfolding, while others exist as cherished memories. But if we trace our romantic relationships back to the beginning, there was likely a single question that sparked it all: “Will you go out with me?”
The First Step to Any Love Story: One Brave Question
We bravely made ourselves vulnerable for a chance at love in that moment. By asking that question, we opened the door; by listening to the answer, we stepped through into a new relationship. As German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer wisely stated, “The beginning of love for the brethren is listening to them.” Love starts with one question and grows through listening.
Three Cases of Love Starts with One Question
The first case of “Love Starts with One Question” is my parents. Their love started with my Dad asking his future bride one question. His question was, “Would you like to dance?”
The second case of “Love Starts with One Question” is my son’s love story, which began when the day he attended a new church and a young woman came up to him. His future wife asked him, “Would you like to sit with me and my friends?”
The third case, “Love Starts with One Question,” is my love story. It started when I asked my future husband, “Do you like mooncakes?”
The Key to Connection: Curiosity Opens, Listening Enters
As different as these love stories seem on the outside, they all share that pivotal moment where vulnerability, interest, and possibility collide in a single question. All it takes is that initial courage and openness to start a relationship, whether lifelong or momentary.
I see this pattern play out across generations of my family. My parents’ long and happy marriage began simply, with my father asking my mother, “Would you like to dance?” As they swayed on the dance floor, their chemistry was undeniable. One bold question set their love in motion.
I see the same bravery and curiosity alive in my son as well. A lovely young woman noticed a new face in church and impulsively asked, “Would you like to sit with us?” While his answer that day was yes, she would later say yes to his marriage proposal as their relationship blossomed.
My love story illustrates how relationships often start with one simple, spontaneous, possibly even weird question. I was at the spa desk at the resort when I spotted my future husband walking past it. I called his name and asked, “Do you like moon cakes?” That silly icebreaker led to deeper conversation and, eventually, love.
While unique in their details, my family’s stories reflect the universal truth that love often begins with just one question.
Listen Up: Letting Love Bloom Through Open-Ended Questions
This simple but profound wisdom applies to romantic love and all human relationships. Think about the people in your life who make you feel known and loved. What is it about them that makes you feel that way? Chances are, it comes down to two things: they ask you good questions and truly listen to your answers.
Opening the Door to Love With One Vulnerable Question
We communicate care and interest by asking heartfelt questions: “How are you feeling today?” “What dreams are you chasing?” “What’s been bringing you joy recently?” Questioning opens a doorway to someone’s inner world, allowing us to connect with their experiences, perspectives, and emotions.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
How to Grow Love By Listening to Their Answers
Equally important is what comes next: listening. This goes beyond passively hearing to actively working to understand the other. As Stephen Covey observed, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.“
Be in The Moment
Authentic listening requires presence, focus, reflection, and summarizing to align the messages sent and received. It’s being fully immersed in the momentary experience of stepping into another person’s world.
“Being heard is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” ~ David Augsburger
Vulnerability Sparks, Listening Fuels: The Start of True Bonds
When we give the gift of listening—that vulnerable offering of one’s inner truths and perspectives—we give the precious gift of being heard. And as Augsburger so perfectly stated, “Being heard is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” ~ David Augsburger Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Understanding one another requires presence, patience, focus, and determination.
Cultivate Connection: Courage to Question, Courage to Listen
So, as we nurture our relationships and cultivate greater love in our lives, let us remember how each story begins: with the courage to ask one question and the courage to listen. Start by asking your loved ones heartfelt questions about their dreams, joys, and challenges. Listen deeply to their answers, summarizing and reflecting to ensure you fully understand.
Imagine what our world would be like if everyone followed Bonhoeffer’s wisdom by greeting each person they met with kindness, questions, and listening. If we practiced stepping into another’s experience with care and focus.
Courage To Listen
If we had the courage to connect with open hearts. How much better would we know and love one another? How much more might we realize that we share far more common ground under the surface than difference?
Reach Out And Touch
So today, begin your love story or improve the love story you are in. Reach out to someone in your life with that initial courageous question. Listen deeply to their response. Share your stories and dreams in turn. And maybe you’ll plant the first seed of a lifelong love marked by compassion, understanding, and respect.
My Wish For You
I hope that you will find the courage to ask just one question. You never know what will come of it. Love may just take you by surprise. Here is my one question for you:
Are you ready for love to start by asking that one question?
It is time to write your story.